In episode 17 of the Men Submit podcast we touch on a somewhat contentious topic. We talk about play that is “forced”. That is to say, those activities that are based around a scene in which the submissive has no control. We talk about why this can be such a difficult topic to negotiate and come up with some ideas for how to traverse the murky waters.Download
My wife, Kim, and I have been in a female led relationship for well over three years. It started slowly as most do, introducing a new kink every now and then, each time getting a little bit further into the power exchange. Now, however, we are about as full into both kink and power exchange as we can get. I have been cuckolded, and my wife has taken a lover that she sees every now and then. He is aware of the situation, and has never come further than our front door to pick her up. I have seen him, through the curtains of course, during these brief moments.
In episode 16 of the Men Submit podcast, we explore fantasy. Is it ok to have them? Is it important to have them? Are some fantasies right and some wrong? We talk about all these issues and along the way I stumble into asking a very dangerous question, but emerge miraculously unscathed (although the night is still young.) We also answer a question posed by one of our very active members, Domesticsub.
A pair of pantyhose on my office chair and a note that the weather is getting cooler and it’s time to start shaving my legs again. Pretty soon the bra will be over my office chair too.
I’ve recently been instructed by my beautiful, dominant wife that from now on, while we’re at home, I will respond to both instructions and questions from her with either ”yes, ma’am ”, or ”no, ma’am”. While it hasn’t been fully instituted, I am looking forward to this change, as I find great pleasure in outward displays of submission and deference. I also take this as a sign that she is becoming more and more comfortable with her role as the dominant, which is a wonderful thing. She’s also made it clear that she plans on letting our friends and family know about our female led marriage. She says that will be at some point in the future, once we’ve come to fully understand it and be comfortable with it ourselves. I have to say that, while initially I think it will be awkward, in the long run I look forward to the day when everyone knows. I find pretending that she isn’t in charge tiresome sometimes.
My wife and I have talked some about spanking, although I don’t think she’s quite ready. I listened to podcast 13 (very entertaining by the way), and I got the idea that pales would be a good way to start, easy to handle and such. My question is, would you recommend a size and shape of paddle for our very first try (assuming that happens). I’ve liked at some online, and there is a multitude of sizes her shapes. Not sure where to start. I’m hoping to make one for as a gift, and wait until she broaches the subject to present it to her. I don’t want her to feel like I’m pushing. So, any advice in this area would be great. Thanks!
I’ve recently asked my dominant wife, something that I may regret in the future, to try extending the time I’m in my chastity device. Currently I put it on in the morning, and she locks it before I go to work. Then at night, as early as right after she gets home, and as late as right before we get in bed, she unlocks me. This happens Monday through Friday. I’ve found myself sometimes hoping that one night she will tell me that she won’t be unlocking me tonight, and I’ll have to wait until tomorrow. This hasn’t happened, so I finally asked that at some point in the future, she would leave me in for a predetermined amount of time on her part, but that I wouldn’t be informed of. I also asked not to know when it was coming, because I thought the anticipation would be enjoyable. She agreed.
Now, I sit in anticipation, and it is both enjoyable and kind of scary at the same time. I’ve never been in it overnight, and now at some point, I will be left in it for who knows how long. Call this an experiment in submission. It does give me lots to think about, hopefully she doesn’t wait too long and make me go crazy. I’ll post updates, and will definitely let you know when the prolonged period has officially started. Wish me luck!
Last weekend I attended my first High Protocol party of our local community. I should mention that the party included both female and male dominants and their submissives.
I found it fun and interesting on a number of levels. I always thought of protocol as something that happened between a specific dominant and sub not necessarily something to be admistered to in a group.
Although not partnered at this time, I attended the party with a woman who was also going to her first HP party. It was really fun to talk first about our expectations and goals for the evening.
She talked about wanting to get service (she has seen me at another party and knew that I gave delicious massages) and I talked about wanting to experience more impact play. I have never been caned before and wanted to experience that in contrast to a bare handed spanking or flogging.
One of the things that I really enjoyed was that she gave very clear instructions about how to address her and attend to her. Telling me how she wanted me to ask for permission to leave her presence as well as if I needed to shift my position (I have some back issues) because sitting on the floor is not so easy for me.
The first protocol of the evening was to come in and find the host mistress and thank her for the privilege of attending and providing service for the evening. Then thanking the host submissives who organized the party.
Next, I had been instructed to help in the kitchen with food preparation and presentation. Submssives were not to initiate conversation with the dominants unless addressed and were to keep conversation amongst other submissives to a minimum and only regarding necessary chores and tasks.
My experience of this was that I found myself in my own little mental “subspace” going about my business without thinking about talking or bantering with others.
I also found myself focused on my tasks and really wanting to present the food I had brought in its best possible light. I think I was feeling that what I did reflected on my dominant for the evening not only in terms of how I comported myself but also in the effort I put forth to make the evening a success. I felt some pride in doing what I was doing well and that felt very nice.
The party took place in a private home with an entire basement devoted to being a dungeon with two cages, a St Andrews cross, massage table, spanking benches and what seemed like enough eye hooks in the ceiling to tie up half of New York!
At some point people started migrating downstairs to play. I found myself nervous because I have very little experience playing in public and also because I have never been submissive with this woman friend before.
I also knew that she had told me to dress in a certain fashion, all in black with a thong under my underwear and I knew that soon I would be required to strip down to just that thong to facilitate the impact play.
Much to my friend’s credit she really was wonderful at talking to me and helping feel at ease (communication is a wonderful thing!) and I felt quite comfortable stripping and assuming the position on a spanking bench to receive a bare bottomed spanking.
I always forget how much they hurt! She was very skillful at altering the placement, tempo and strength of what she did so that I never really knew what to expect. As the evening progressed we played with several floggers and several wooden dowels (canes).
The sensations were startlingly different and although I did not go into subspace from it, I could tell that I was in a mildly altered state. I noticed that I was working a lot with my breath in order to tolerate the caning in particular.
We had agreed beforehand not to leave any lasting marks but I was really thinking that I would have some stripes from the caning and was very surprised the next day when I hardly had any pain and no marks!
I thought I might be inhibited with all of those other people around and hearing moans and quite a bit of yelps from the different impact scenariois going on and it did take a little getting use to. However, what I found was that it seemed to actually amp up the energy for each individual scene by hearing and seeing the “play” go on around us.
Realizing that there is definitely a “group high” that is achieved also helped me to relax into a zone where I was carried along by the energy of the experience in total.
Again much credit has to go to my dominant who skillfully took me through a variety of experiences always checking in and whispering words of encouragement when things got intense.
Afterwards we returned to the upstairs and I got the privlege of serving some food to the dominants and then went about cleaning up the space some. I actually enjoyed this part, playing the butler so to speak. I had embraced my role and truly wanted to make it a pleasant experience for everyone.
Later I got to give my dom the massage I knew she was looking forward to. This was also interesting in that we were in the middle of a group of people and she just stripped down to her panties and I focused on giving her an exquisitie massage. She loved it and I was glad that she felt comfortable to direct me to certain areas that she wanted me to focus on.
For me I lost myself in the pleasure of giving pleasure and I especially wanted to treat her with the same care and consideration that she had for me.
The evening ended with the submissives cleaning the place up and saying our goodbyes to the hosts and to each other. By then eveyrone was in a pretty relaxed and easy state with each other and I am sure pretty tired since it was past one in the morning.
I would be curious if other people have had experiences with protocol events and I would love it if people shared their own journeys regarding them.
This is a question for the dommes. My wife and I are relatively new to an official flr relationship, and are still finding ourselves in our new roles. My question is I’d there is anything I as a sub can do to help her feel empowered in her new role? Some things she has really taken to, like orgasm control and has insisted on a chastity device while I’m at work. She’s also becoming quicker in pointing out problems in my attitude and behavior. Other things, like implementing discipline, and overtly directing things, has not been so quick. Is there anything I can do to help her feel more empowered in her role, or is this something that she has to figure out for herself?
The more information a Dominant knows about their sub, the safer and more exciting their playtime can be. Often people who are new in the BDSM scene need somewhere to start. Or a partner may be embarrassed to talk about their desires, but ok with writing things down. Or perhaps two people are just getting to know each other. Kink checklists are a great conversation starter. Remember, communication is the key to all relationships, BDSM and vanilla alike!