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Housekeeping tasks for the submissive

The other day I was visiting a friend (thanks for the fun day ericj9!) and he had a book called ‘How to Satisfy Your Woman Everytime: The Straight Guy’s Guide to Housekeeping and Good Grooming’. I didn’t have time to look through the whole thing, but there was a list in there of Daily/Weekly/Monthly/Annual chores to do. I’m putting the list below.

I suppose that later in the book there is more information on HOW to do the chores, but I didn’t read that. This is of even more interest to me. In our household, BetaBoy does almost all of the chores. This is for several reasons. I work outside of the home and bring in the lion’s share of the income. He works in the home and has more time to do chores. Plus I really dislike cleaning, and he is the submissive after all! I will chip at times. I’m not obsessive about cleaning (though he might think so). If there is a choice between doing the dusting and going out to see a movie, I will usually pick the movie, as long as the dust bunnies are not the size of a small cat. I don’t care how the dishes get loaded into the dishwasher, I only care that they get loaded, cleaned, and unloaded.

BetaBoy does a good job at chores. The house is presentable enough to have people over. I say he does a good job, not great. It seems to me that men just see dirt differently, even the submissive ones. I’m not sure if this is because we don’t teach them when they are kids, or if they are lazy, or if they just see things differently or what. For instance, BetaBoy will leave the kitchen wash cloth and towels until they are so dirty they can stand on their own. He does wipe the kitchen counters. Sort of. Some of them. Some of the time. And BetaBoy – How long has the rotting meat been under the mat for the cat bowls honey? On the plus side, things are largely clean. Laundry is done 95% of the time. On the negative side, he just doesn’t see things. Junk can sit out forever unless I tell him to put it away or get rid of it.

So here is the list of daily/weekly/monthly/annual chores from the book. What would you add? Would you change the frequency of anything? And how do you want these things done by your submissive guy?

Daily Hygene (wouldn’t think you would have to say this)
Make Bed
Hang up and sort clothes for laundry
Tidy floors and surfaces
Clean sink, bath, toilet and restock supplies
Recycle old newspapers (do print newspapers still exist?)
Remove clothing from living area
Empty trash bins (all of them BetaBoy)
Tidy and wash dishes in the evening
Clean kitchen surfaces
Vacuum heavy traffic zones
Water plants and check flowers

Do inventory of fridge and pantry for needed supplies
Buy food and household products
Check supplies of vital items (TP, laundry soap, etc.)
Dust surfaces in main rooms
Change towels and bedlinens (twice a week)
Clean bathroom
Do ironing
Check, clear, and clean fridge
Wash trash bins
Vacuum all floors
Pay bills and file paperwork
Replace kitchen cloths (2-3 times a week)
Sort out recycling supplies

Clean oven – Ok Quarterly
Dust blinds and shades
Turn mattress – Ok Quarterly
Wash mirrors
Launder mattress and pillow covers
Clean windows
Give fans a dust
Check fridge and pantry supplies
Tidy videos and books

Clean out attic/garage/basement
De-junk closet, throw out clothes that are out-of-date or don’t fit or have not been worn
Pull out fridge and stove and clean out under and behind them
Wash blinds
Shampoo carpets
Deal with tax paperwork
Clean ceilings and walls
Clean duvets and blankets



I own Men Submit and am passionately committed to sharing information and experiences on how to live a female led relationship: from kink, to romance, to the daily practicalities of just gettin' it done. I live in San Diego with my subby hubby, BetaBoy, who is Australian. We are poly in our own fashion. This does not mean that we have a revolving door of partners. We prefer to have ongoing relationships with people vs. a one-off play date. At the moment our lives are very busy, but we always enjoy talking to people and meeting people. I'm an author, podcaster, and blogger. The topics I write and podcast about revolve around female led relationships and how to implement kink in a relationship with a dominant woman and submissive man. This is not just a commercial venture for us. We believe in living a D/s lifestyle, and love to talk and meet with others interested in the same thing. Books Finding Your Domme (a book for submissive males) is available here: Electronic Version Paper Version to be released very soon Finding Your Submissive (a book for dominant women) is available here: Electronic Version Paper Version to to be released very soon Podcasts You can subscribe to the podcasts on iTunes at… Or you can go to the Men Submit website and download them there Website/Blog Years ago I found it hard to find any non-porn resources having to do with femdomme, and in particular, female led relationships. So I created and run this website Men Submit. A sister website to Men Submit is She Makes The Rules ( This is a terrific site for learning about female led relationships, particularly for those starting out. There are forums that you can participate in. Soon there will be a dating module. Events I enjoy running and attending kink events. At the moment we are in an event hiatus due to an impending move, but we will start events back up in a few months.



Well I suppose I should respond with a bit of an update, Mistress. Smile

It kind of made me feel pretty bad for a while when you called me on not being exemplary when it comes to housework. However, I know that you are absolutely right.

My issue is something to do with simply not *seeing* / paying attention when it comes to some aspects of domestic life. As we have both discussed, I have a tendency to become very single minded about my projects and don’t really devote a lot of attention to how the house is looking as a whole. My brain and personality tends to push towards novelty and newness and abstract things to the detriment of practical administrative tasks. This is neither an excuse nor an insurmountable obstacle.

After giving it a lot of thought for a few days, my feeling is that the way for me to manage it more effectively is to keep quite a structured list going. I’ve done some research on household scheduling apps that will do that and I’ve suggested what I think is the best one.

You’re taking a look now and I’ll be interested to get your thoughts on my proposed solution. Smile

We’ve also toyed with the idea of making this topic a discussion for a podcast, as it does open up some interesting areas.


So do you think that men see dirt/mess differently? If so, is it a matter of an innate difference in men (i.e. testosterone related), or not being taught how to clean as children, or lack of caring, or laziness, or something else?


Well I am probably going to be biased in my response as this is directly about me, but no I don’t think it’s laziness. I certainly would be pretty surprised if anyone who knew me ascribed me with that character flaw.

Nor is it a lack of interest in the home. I know that I certainly greatly appreciate our home and what it means.

I suspect many men do perceive mess differently. Whether the cause of that is nature / nurture might be an imponderable. I guess I can see how it is quite plausible that males are genetically predisposed to not being as viscerally aware of mess. If they were off hunting mammoths then sleeping in less than salubrious conditions might have been a job prerequisite. On the other hand, your typical upbringing as a boy might entail fewer chores than for a girl.

For me I guess I see it like this. Really the underlying cause is not important. Everyone can change. I’m an intelligent person who gives a damn about making my relationship work. As such, my nature is not set in stone. All it takes is willingness and a logical approach.

I know that I’ve not looked after the house as well as you’ve liked. I care about that. I’ll strive to fix it!


I don’t think it is laziness. I do think that women and men perceive things differently. While we may be looking at the same thing it may also register differently in the female and male brain.

I think the checklist or an app is an excellent idea.


@beta_boy – I was not asking about you in particular, more of a male/female thing. Nor was I intending to imply that men are lazy. It was more of a conversation starter Smile

It is only important to know why if it is something that is inherent in the way men see things. For instance, I’ve read that the reason that men often cannot find things right in front of them because of biological differences between men and women. There is scientific evidence that men’s eyes and women’s eyes are slightly different, which may account for the fact that men literally have trouble seeing things right in front of them. Therefore, different coping skills would be necessary to deal with that.

If however, boys were taught differently, then it is something that just needs to be learned. And if it is laziness, well that is easy to fix


I think that socialisation does play a part. houseboy is very competent at tasks that he has been doing all his life. His mother insisted that they make their own beds from a young age and he still makes ours every day. He did remark the other day that his mother never taught him to iron and so he found himself ironing for the first time in his 30s when he started working in a job that required him to wear a shirt and tie. He has now added ironing to his skill set, but it takes him twice as long as me. houseboy is also very good at scrubbing floors and cleaning the bathroom – great from my perspective as bathroom cleaning is what I loathe most. The domestic blindness is a weird thing – some things he notices (e.g. my clothes on the floor), but he can also be seemingly oblivious to other signs of domestic disorder (e.g. overflowing laundry basket).


I tend to agree with MsLed here. I think the attentiveness of a person to cleaning and what they notice often has to do with what they were taught as a child was “important” If our parents (mostly our mothers) focused us on picking up our clothes or making our beds then that is what remains as “normal”. It raises the question for me as to how do we change and what does it take for us to broaden our view of daily lives? I think helpful reminders and being told that this is important to our significant other is very constructive and useful.

Some of us were conditioned by seeing our mothers do ironing or laundry for instance, therefore we never saw that as in our realm of concern. I don’t know if we ever loss that early socializatoin entirely but I think with conscious attention and effort on our part then it can at least be modified.


Thank you for all of the responses. It is good to hear that it sounds like a learning issue rather than an inability issue.


“And if it is laziness, well that is easy to fix”

Mistress I’m not sure that you’re aware of this but that phrase is quite scary!


I think in part it is a value difference. Some people value cleanliness and order higher than others. Or value a specific state of cleanliness higher than another. I am not sure that is gender, so much as how the genders are socialized in a given society.

AS such, it can be changed, but changing something like that takes a Dominant woman…


@gregor2001us – You are certainly right about different people having different standards. For instance, I hate clutter. I hate lots of stuff lying around. I want the kitchen and eating areas clean, but can live with dust for a little while. There are certainly people who like things cleaner than me, though I’m never embarrassed to have people over.


Nods. It can be tricky finding a happy medium. Or, in the case of submissive men, they can simply yield to their Domme, smile.


I wonder if the research into making that assessment included data such as health and happiness of the couples. I could buy that men who did less got more sex in cases where the relationship was unhealthily in favor of a woman with esteem issues and a man taking advantage of those issues. I would also like to know more about the quality of sex these men are getting. I LOVE sex… but I will take quality over quantity any given day of the week. And I will take desire for an encounter that will be amazing when it happens over sex on a mental calendar…


Yeah I think those are good points. The article does kind of equate frequency of sex with the quality of one’s sex life. Ok maybe there are guys out there whose criteria for good sex is “lots”, but really, none of my guy friends think like that, and I know I don’t. In fact, the more I think about that assumption being thrust upon us as accepted wisdom the more it pisses me off!


I grew up in a boys home, then adopted when I was a teenager. At the home, the household chores were done by us boys. Since we were poor and couldn’t afford store bought clothes, we had to learn how to use a sewing machine, so that we could make clothes that looked like what the other children wore. The man who ran the boys home had been a chef prior, thus he taught each us how to cook and bake. Thus I grew up never thinking that housework was woman’s work, simply because us boys did all of it everyday. So it just became habit. Now, the woman who I married, when she grew up, they had a maid who did all of it, thus my woman just never learnt. And she grew up as a tomboy too, thus having no interest to learn. Thus she and I were good for each other.


Personally, my mother makes Danny Tanner from Full House seem like Charlie from It’s Always Sunny the way she cleaned growing up and whenever she is invited over. Now consider the military. There is maid clean and then there is military clean. I can only speak for my branch, the Navy, where they harp on ‘Attention to detail’ in training to prepare sailors for when they must perform with 100k-million dollar equipment and details mean everything. They train sailors on the finer details to see mistakes and fix them. You also clean your equipment, tools, transports and weapons often so they operate properly when you need them to. So in my honest opinion, it has to do with training and random inspections. However, I doubt Beta_boy is crapbag that needs constant policing, but others may need the motivation to excel. Also, a chore guide or Daily Checklist IS a good idea to ensure all spaces receive their due diligence.

billy-slave to Lady R

We’ve moved on to “Weekly Evaluations From Head of Household Lady R to servant husband Billy”. I’m not allowed to go into details but it seems to be helping me ” up my game”.

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