Punishment in a Female Led Relationship (FLR)
One of our members, Kelmag, posted a blog right before we moved over to the new site format. His blog was on punishment in a Female Led Relationship (FLR). It was generating a lot of comments, and I thought it was worth moving over here. I’m not going to copy his exact post here. He found a blog on another private site and received permission to copy her blog here. I don’t have that permission, and it was extremely long, so I am going to summarize his post. Here is what Kelmag posted about punishment in a FLR.
[Kelmag's Post] I came across a very interesting blog entry about a subject that I must admit that I have given very little thought. The blog is a private blog – open only to invited members. The writer has been in a Female Led Relationship for twelve years. I asked her permission to republish the blog because it has changed my thinking about punishment in an FLR and thought it might change others as well. It is certainly not right for everybody but, after reading this article, I have come to the conclusion that it is not a fringe activity. It can have a place in Female Led Relationships that are not extreme or even into BDSM. Would it be useful in my relationship? Perhaps, in any case, I would be willing to give it a try. The problem is it is very unlikely that my wife would do it. Even light bondage is currently outside of her boundaries (but I’m working on that). But, it is something I had not considered before and it was this article that got me thinking about it.
(So now I’m going to summarize her blog post)
She says that the classic purpose of punishment is to deter behavior. That if swift consequences are enacted as a result of bad behavior, that he will avoid repeating that behavior in the future. She feels that punishment has other purposes. That voluntarily submitting to punishment is a way to make amends and ‘rebalance the scales’. That is a way for the offender to rid himself of the guilt that he feels. She says that giving out punishment helps to remove the negative feelings that all involved are feeling. The final note that she has about punishment is that it provides closure for an incident. That both parties are not carrying grudges or feelings forward regarding that incident.
She says that using punishment in a FLR affirms, or reaffirms, the authority of the woman in the relationship. That by the male voluntarily submitting to punishment he is reaffirming to her authority.
She has two notes about punishment. The first is that it should not be done in anger. The second is that it should be proportional to the offense.
She then goes into specifics of the punishments she uses, which are loss of orgasm and corporal punishment. What then follows is eight pages of very detailed descriptions of these two types of punishments. For example, she discusses how her husband gets only 4 orgasms a year, so that loss of one is a big deal. It is a very detailed and descriptive post, and I am only providing the headlines here.
This post was generating a lot of comments right before we moved over to the new look. Thanks to Kelmag for posting this. My question for everyone is do you think that punishment must be part of an FLR? If so, why, and how does that look for you?
I own Men Submit and am passionately committed to sharing information and experiences on how to live a female led relationship: from kink, to romance, to the daily practicalities of just gettin' it done. I live in San Diego with my subby hubby, BetaBoy, who is Australian. We are poly in our own fashion. This does not mean that we have a revolving door of partners. We prefer to have ongoing relationships with people vs. a one-off play date. At the moment our lives are very busy, but we always enjoy talking to people and meeting people. I'm an author, podcaster, and blogger. The topics I write and podcast about revolve around female led relationships and how to implement kink in a relationship with a dominant woman and submissive man. This is not just a commercial venture for us. We believe in living a D/s lifestyle, and love to talk and meet with others interested in the same thing. Books Finding Your Domme (a book for submissive males) is available here: http://goo.gl/uGhUxU Electronic Version Paper Version to be released very soon Finding Your Submissive (a book for dominant women) is available here: http://goo.gl/mpAe4j Electronic Version Paper Version to to be released very soon Podcasts You can subscribe to the podcasts on iTunes at http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/men-submit/id592… Or you can go to the Men Submit website and download them there Website/Blog Years ago I found it hard to find any non-porn resources having to do with femdomme, and in particular, female led relationships. So I created and run this website Men Submit. A sister website to Men Submit is She Makes The Rules (www.shemakestherules.com). This is a terrific site for learning about female led relationships, particularly for those starting out. There are forums that you can participate in. Soon there will be a dating module. Events I enjoy running and attending kink events. At the moment we are in an event hiatus due to an impending move, but we will start events back up in a few months.